I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
