ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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