i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
