I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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