My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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