why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
