yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
