I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize