i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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