ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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