About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
