You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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