If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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