I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
