Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
