Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
