if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
