Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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