So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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