You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my being single is dangerous.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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