I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
