I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
third nipple confirmed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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