i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
