What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
how drunk are you?
Several
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
