cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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