Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
