I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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