He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
