i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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