i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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