Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
