You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
