how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
