Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
