She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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