my mouth tastes like poor choices
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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