Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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