She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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