She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
