I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
