I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
