Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
