What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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