hotel room ftw
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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