All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
