ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
