Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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