Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
