this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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