he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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