and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's blow job season.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
