nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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