You made me cry and you don't even care
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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