Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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