I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
