Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
