She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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