I look better un-naked...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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