I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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