Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
