Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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