I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
