used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
