Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
