i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
